Well people of the blogging homeland, here we are.
I have good news and bad news.
The good news?
I got a new job and am getting the hell out of dodge!
The bad news?
I'm still crazy.
But more on that later.
My new job!
Ok, it means I'm moving to Northampton. Away from all my friends and family, away from everything and everyone that I know, and yet, I feel great about leaving. I'm so excited for it, and I can't wait to get away, set out on my own and really become me. Or at least who I want to be.
And since Northampton is completely new, I'm not in danger of being haunted by memories everywhere I look.
When I'm in Burton, I see the bus stop outside Primark, and remember when me and T had row in the middle of the night, and the X38 that I used to get every weekend to see him.
When I'm in Derby, walking down the high street, I remember all of the rambles down to Mosh.
When I walk past Subway (and this is any Subway, mind) I remember that every Saturday, without fail, Tebby would fail to come to town with me, and I'd go alone with J or H (sometimes both) and we'd have so much fun. When T was with us, he'd just sit quietly, refusing to talk to anyone.
When I drive through Ashby or Ibstock, I remember A. I remember how she strung me along for more than 2 years, trying to steal my boyfriend in the process and ruining every memory of sixth form that I had. Seriously, cannot remember any good ones (except with S :) he was great).
Every lad with a straight black fringe, square framed glasses and a stupid hat, I'm petrified that it's him. I want to see him again with every morsel of me, but I don't think I could take it (and if you see him, you have mine and my psychotherapist's permission to throw tomatoes at him).
I drive through Chellaston, and I think of R. Every time, without fail. I remember what could have been. Well, what I thought could have been. It's funny, that until you've seen someone getting strung along, and someone has outlined the criteria, if you will, you don't realise that it's happened to you. Whether they've got a girlfriend that they want to break up with, or a ton of baggage from a break up, or simply that you dated their best friend who wants to kill you, it's still so easy to fall for, if it's the right person, and you have the right feelings. And I did. I don't care who wants to dispute it, I did really care for him, when I think I started to love him after he all but told me the same (blah blah blah, it hurt that you went out with D, blah blah blah, just because I lived in Newcastle, blah blah blah, the reason I waited for you for 3 years is because I really liked you - the usual). So the minute he'd successfully got in to my pants, it was "Oh, we can't, I don't want to lose my friend" "We'll just be friends on the side, I don't want to lose you as a friend" "Please don't tell him you've spoken to me, I don't want to pick sides on this. No matter how I feel about you, he's my best friend, I've known him longer" (And since I'm almost 100% sure (maybe 99.99% sure) that he doesn't read this blog, he won't know, right?)
I know that memories are memories for a reason, but I'd really like to make some new ones.
New town.
New job.
New friends.
New memories.
That's why I'm moving.
Not just because I found a job that I'm perfect for.
Because I hate my memories.
P.S. Have a song :)
